Samarth hurried back to his apartment to check his mail the last time. Was he dreaming? Did she actually say she wanted to see him? Clutching the next flight ticket to Delhi, he made his way to the airport. Aparna's melting voice ringing clear in his ears.
"Samarth, i want to meet you once."
No sooner did he hear this, than he got the first flight to her city. Among the many sordid moments in their relationship for the past couple of months now, this call convinced Samarth that they might just be together again. For the last time. He would make all amends. He would change for her completely. He would do all that she ever wanted, and much more. Aparna's innocent and reassuring smile clouded all his apprehensions with hope now.
They met in their small little corner in campus where it had all begun. Samarth had reached much before Aparna arrived. The days just flashed by his eyes. Aparna shedding those tears and looking at him with those searching eyes, his hug which she said reassured her that she could make all wrongs right given that he was with her, their first kiss, their stretched conversations on life, Brecht, sex, career, Marx, malignant cancer cells - everything, everything under the sun jolted the bygone Samarth from this version of him that lay all ruined and incomplete, all half in her absence. Samarth knew, just knew that Aparna was his life.
Aparna came and sat down. Not even a moment passed when she looked up at Samarth and said, "Look Samarth, it is all over. I know you could have been convinced by all these months of ignoring you. But i just needed you to see that i am happy with my status quo. I just needed you to see that i do not need you anymore..."
Samarth cupped her face in his hands. Teary-eyed and almost broken, he muttered, " But i need you Aparna. I just can not live without you. Look, things will work out. I assure you with finality this time. I will do exactly as you say. But please, for godsake, do not leave me alone."
Aparna got up and went out to get coffee. Samarth cried and fresh onslaughts of memories and moments all gone assaulted him in her absence. Aparna was a charming, vivacious girl - very popular for her beautiful ways and intelligence. She was this girl who made things go right just by her magical presence. And suddenly from this one day, she refused to smile. She did everything that she was supposed to do but it seemed as if she was punishing herself with her own life. It was then that Samarth chanced to come in her life. What began as a partnership in the annual cultural festival of college developed into this meaningful, inspiring relationship between them. Aparna got hold of her life ravaged by her widow mother's malignant cancer status and Samarth got a new dimension to his life with this wonderful girl's presence in his life. Together they broke university records academically, coincidentally got into the same work profile in the same company. They had begun to believe that all was perfectly planned for them from above. They were happy. They were just brilliantly happy.
And this one day changed life for them forever. After their job training, Samarth got posted in far south and Aparna was given the prerogative to settle in her hometown given her family condition. They bade emotionally choked good-byes to each other. Perhaps unaware that life would change for them forever.
Aparna came back. She handed over him his coffee mug and insisted on thrusting that sandwich in his hands. After a few silent sips of their once favourite coffee, she began, "Samarth, it is not always necessary that two good people end up making a perfect couple. We all were kids when we indulged in this love-shove business yar. Look at this. I was emotionally wrecked at that time. I found a genuine friend in you. And, come on, you did confess, didn't you, that to date the most popular girl in campus was like the coolest part of this relationship for you? Samarth, we needed each other, mutually. We were friends with benefits. But it ought to get over yar."
Samarth looked at her with utter disbelief. "Aparna don't tell me all that you said right now was true! I did not date you because you were the most popular girl in campus! Never Aparna! I stood by you because i did not want to see a talent as you go waste over her family issue. Love was gradual between us, Aparna. We did not date like star-struck couples. We thought about each and every step all through before we plunged into a commitment. Please do not say we were friends of benefits, for godsake! Aparna, do those evenings of togetherness hold no meaning at all? Do those converstions on......"
"Oh! Shut up Samarth! I am independent. I am smart. I am beautiful. Earn as much as you do. It is juvenile to think Samarth that college days' romance last forever. I need a man different from you, you know. I can't imagine wasting my time and emotions in managing a guy all my life. I need a man. I need someone who is more mature, much much more mature than you. Someone who is strong enough to be able to hold me, control me. Someone who inspires me. Someone who is better than me in all respects, Samarth. Someone i can look upto. Someone who treats me as an equal because he can afford to do so, because he is better than me. Because he isn't insecure about losing me. Someone who respects me for what i am because he believes and trusts his own love enough to guarantee my love for him for the rest of our lives. Samarth, it's all over between us. Look, i am sure, you would be thankful to me to have made this call early on in life before much damage is done."
"Aparna, don't tell me, you manipulated my emotions all these years. Don't tell me i was all but a temporary need for you. I feel used, Aparna. This is not what you were. Ok, what is it? Am i too clingy? Did i ever stop you from doing what you wanted? For Godsake Aparna, what is it?"
"Don't shout, Samarth! I have given you enough reasons for my decision to part ways. I am bored of this love between us. I am bored of this routined call everyday and prying questions about how my days were, whom did i meet, what did i wear and so on and so forth. I need someone who is settled, not a struggler trying to get his way through. I want stability in your and my life, Samarth. However hard you try you can not jump four years hence and work things out for us. It is over because i am no longer a person who lives in the present. I have changed. I think about investments now. I envision a future better than what it can be with you. Samarth, i called you because i wanted you to see the new me."
Samarth gazed blankly at Aparna. She was not the girl he knew. She had changed. He got up and said, "Just answer me one question Aparna? Did you ever love me, even once?"
Just then her phone rang. She picked up and asked the person on the other end to wait outside. She got up and hugged him.
"Take care of yourself Samarth. You need to support your family. They have huge expectations from you. Trust me, five-six years down the lane, you will not regret this decision."
She moved out of the campus, got in the taxi that stood there waiting for her. In a few moments it disappeared on the winding roads. Shattered, Samarth came back to Chennai.
And after these six long years he got this mail. He re-read it once again. Tears rolling down his eyes, he got hold of his car keys. The flight was to leave for Delhi in another hour. He was wondering what could he possibly do with that condolence visit? Should he actually go?
He read the letter for the umpteenth time.
Dear Samarth,
By the time this letter reaches you, i shall be gone forever. I was detected with cancer too in the later stages of Maa's illness. I knew you already had lot of stuff to take care of back home. I did not want to be a burden on you. I spoke all that i spoke that day to make sure you work hard enough to get to the place you are now. And well, i am happy that you did. Just do me a last favour. I have bequeathed my property to the nursing home for cancer patients. Please see to it that it reaches the requisite hands in time.
I needed to fight against myself to do this. Forgive me and carry on with your life.
Love,
Aparna
:'( No words...
ReplyDeleteu got d art to hold d reader wid d flow of ur writing... vaise maine khud tumhari kahani se milti julti ek kahani pahle likhi thi(wid same climax)par fir bhi tumhara climax padh ke utna hi maja aaya jitna ki ek first time reader ko aata...
ReplyDeletevaise ek baat... ye title me part 2 ka reason? tum kya age agar is topic pe likhogi to part 3 likhogi??
part 2 title shayad ye darshata hai ki tum is topic ko conclude karna chahti ho... whic is nt fair acording to me....
The story is captavating and beguiling. In some parts, you can relate it to yourself and feel the pain and agony one goes through it. You have described the emotions well and its unforgettable for all who has ever gone through even a single confrontation mentioned by you :) Loved it :)
ReplyDelete{*I don't write this in contemplation but stimulated reflex.)
ReplyDeleteI read the previous one too but I am sharing my experience for this one first. I have tried writing short stories myself but resorted to poetry for it comes with a lot less reservations. In the sense people give in a lot of extra margin for it to expand and retract. Whereas stories are open like riversides, uninhibited.. to give you all they have.
The short story “Love-is it?” is not actually short for it is seamless .It gives me a feeling that it has been borrowed from someone’s life. For being narrated to me personally .The best part in your writing is of stating the most quotidian and still making the reader gasp for more. Your words are like butter they melt into my mind and seep through right in. This is what I have to learn to have mercy on my readers.
There is a lot of “genuine” in your story .The most obvious emotions which I sometimes feel are too “obvious to be stated” ,actually help establish the plot(like they say in the movies).I read somewhere that even Dickens put a lot of emphasis on minute details to make his characters familiar with the readers. To the extent that they could actually anticipate how he would react in a given situation.
There were many parts which were very exact in their emotional quotient .Here I would like to mention one of them.
When Aparna was stating her reasons for separation..I would have almost sensed the ending (that she was saying all this too push him away) at places where she insisted that they were friends of benefits and when she calls him a struggler..but then I began to fall for the bait. Like when she said she wanted someone better than her, to treat her equally with more respect, (and esp. “because he believes and trusts his own love enough to guarantee my love for him for the rest of our lives” is one of my favorite lines) which is a plausible argument between a young couple. So I did for a time being believe that she was leaving him for another man.
{OUT OF CONTEXT:Which would have been completely fine if I would have not been what I am (a staunch believer in eternity of true love and a hopeless romantic).(So I was quite perplexed by her arguments!)
I wonder what I would have been like if I was born somewhere else and did not grow up watching Hindi romantics so incessantly. I think India may or may not be a land of dreams but is certainly a land of dreamers and believers…me shamelessly being one of them.}
Rest is again a glowing piece of literary work .Some things I would like to mention:-
#the sentence where she wanted him to know she was fine where ever she was which she referred to as her ‘status quo’..I felt the word was a like a little bump in the rhythm.:P
#There were places where I could have anticipated that she was trying too hard to prove her point..And which was kind a giving away the plot..but then there were very strong hinges which held it through.i know it is a little difficult(next to impossible for me) to achieve in a short story but I was hinged till the end so I guess you’ve got “ONE DOWN.”
#i really like the new theme ..its fresh and vibrant and I love it.
I loved this one. Such a nice plot and so well depicted emotions. There is this pain of separation which almost everyone can relate to.
ReplyDeleteI really wish someone whom I know read this blog and realized that sometimes when people separate it's not because they want to or because they had this sudden impulse. It's because they know that however beautiful things might be on way...the end will be dreadful.
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ReplyDelete@Shashank, I hope you liked it....;)..the expression is a little confusing...:P
ReplyDelete@Aukash, Aukash when i explored love in the previous story, i met several criticism on the count. Some of my friends alleged Siddhnat as being badly represented, some thought Avani was too virtuous to have even fallen for Siddhant in the first place, some felt the story was plainly unjust, some applauded it beyond measure, some thought it was merely a slice of life given expression. After talking to them, i was as dissatisfied, as nervous, as uneasy, as tensed, as unrestful, as i was before writing the story. It was then that i decided to write a sequel to that story to be able to sort of balance the two perspectives. But as it turned out, that endeavour ended up in this mess and i failed miserably. It turned out to be a different story altogether, something that i did not plan at all. Not to say that i regret all these encouraging words, but let me confess, i am still not at peace. I would write more. So, this is not really a conclusion, but an addition that thirsts for more. Just that at the time being i need to chew my cud on the most involving emotion to ascertain what dimension i could try embracing.....:)
@Mallika di, Thanks...:) these two stories were a dedication to millions like you in more than one way....:)
@aakancha, very very true about poetry. But then, unless you want to keep the readers and more importantly your own self in an enigma forever, poetry writing for me seems more of a personal exercise than prose. Perhaps i say this because off late, i seem to have made a transition in my writing habit. Or perhaps i have read Eliot, Pound, Shakespeare etc. only to discover that some of the poetry they wrote was more to beguile the readers and scholars than to pen genuine art. But yes, i agree, that mystery is a temptation that is very very difficult to bypass. It is a seduction that never has its fill enchanting you. Especially if one chooses to not take a side, be a fence sitter and watch things from an objective distance, or in some cases to see that prejudices do not cover the art form or also to see that one is safe in not exposing oneself to prying eyes of the readers, in nutshell, to be more wrapped up than being discreet and discrete, poetry writing is the perfect art form. Precisely it is for this reason that is more liberating, more satisfying and more fulfilling. With prose, you always need to add. With poetry you a embrace quasi-climax of your emotional tempo. Therefore, you realise that though some of the later poets did write prose at some point in life, they were essentially poets at heart and their literary soul. However, for me this movement is more of a transition as i say, unless proved otherwise in my later creation.
I confess, that this story is a work that would not have been possible at all without the shared experiences of so many people i have met, talked to, cried with, chatted, discussed, debated and so on and so forth. Therefore, though the story is not consistent in its narration, vis-a-vis portraying a single story, there are more than the obvious out here enmeshed in the personalities, actions, words, decisions, thought processes, gestures etc. of Samarth and Aparna here as was in the oprevious work. Perhaps this is what threads the inconsistency as a woobly whole here. There is nothing that fulfills the painting of one life i have known; but then you see all have enriched my stories in more than one way. This is a dedication to the stories that have met 'success', stories that have immortalised themselves in their 'failure'.
Thanks a ton dear for the lovely mention of the wrong rather inappropriate choice of words and the 'too strong' hammering of words. Yes, i agree, i need to play subtle and be more precise. Give me some time to improve on that count.....:)
@Jahanwi, thanks again...:)
exactly... main bhi ekdum yahi soch raha tha ki tumne shuru to kuch aur karne ki sochi hogi par tumne ek dusra situation hi utha liya...
ReplyDeletei will wait for d part 2 of d first story... or dusre shabdo me kahu to main utsuk hoon ye janne ko ki agar tum pahle story ka part 2 likhne ki soch rahi thi to tum use kaise end up karti....
agar tum likhogi to thik hai else mujhe ek hint do ki pahli story ke part 2 ko tum kaise conclude karti..
Aukash, i never plan the trajectory of my stories. Leave it to the moment to decipher the same to me. I have never ever planned to write a particular story or poem...they just happen. I have an impulse and it just takes me somewhere while i try to express them And frankly speaking, i want it this way. to accidently discover the castle it builds...so, to be precise, and answer your question, i really don't know. I also don't know if ever i shall be able to write it, though i really want to...:)
ReplyDelete